Grief, Love, & Cancer

Sometimes there are no words. Every time I went to write a Facebook post this week to share what was going on with my dad, it seemed that I always hesitated. I wanted to be strong and positive, and then I wanted to just say, “this fucking sucks.”

If there’s one thing I do know—I wanted to be honest with myself. So I waited to process my thoughts and share how I really feel.

Here goes.

This has been the hardest few weeks of my life. I’ve cried—a lot. I pre-planned my dad’s funeral. I saw my dad crying in pain. I saw my mom crying for her husband. I realized my dad wouldn’t get a chance to walk me down the aisle. I got angry at the politics of the health care system and the funeral system. I flipped out and I lost it. Sometimes I wanted to talk it out and other times I wanted to be a hermit and keep to myself.

On the flip side, I had a chance to say everything I ever wanted to say to my dad. I got to see the love and support people have extended to our family. I had a chance to experience life with my dad this past year in a way I am super happy about. I had a chance to reminisce about how my dad truly impacted not just my life, but also the lives of so many others. I had a chance to reconnect with family and laugh about things my dad would say or do. I am lucky enough to be self-employed, so I was able to take off the time to stay at my parent’s house to be there step by step with my dad.

All and all, good times and bad, I can say that I have no regrets.

Here are some lessons learned or re-learned along the way:

1. Grief is weird. We all deal with grief differently and sometimes the person grieving doesn’t know what they even need. And it’s okay.

2. We aren’t perfect. To say I handled this process with complete love and ease is an understatement. All the emotions rushed through my blood at one time or another. And guess what, that’s okay too.

3. People are awesome. I am blown away with the people that dedicate their time and energy to visit, bake food, and just say, “Hey I’m thinking about you.” WOW!

4. Our bodies are amazing. Seriously, understanding the dying process and how your body is truly fighting to live is crazy and amazing. Your body does everything in its power to stay alive. You can literally put garbage in your body and it wants to process it so that you can be at ease.

5. Keep the good memories present. I was able to remember so many valuable lessons my dad has taught me over the years. I realized I want to start doing this before it’s too late. I think it’s good to let people know how they’ve impacted you and what lessens you learned. It’s never too early to start sharing.

Much love,
Lindsey

Love With No Regrets: An Update On My Dad

So my business is called “The Real You.” I appreciate authenticity and realness. For those of you who have seen me speak or lecture, or even read my book—you know that I’m not afraid to get REAL and share the most embarrassing, heartbreaking, and ridiculous stories I have of myself!

With that said, I need to get REAL with you about what’s going on with my dad.

The past two years my dad has been battling cancer + addiction.

He had a procedure done about 15 months ago that surgically removed the cancer in his bile duct. This was an intense procedure and it completely restructured his digestive tract. He remained cancer free and we were thrilled! However, with remission, also came a weakened immune system and dramatic weight loss—he went from 240 pounds to 100 pounds. He lost his appetite and lost his sense of purpose, as I’m sure anyone would.

The past few months have been a battle and a strain with him physically, emotionally, and mentally. Between hospital visits, depression, relapses, and setbacks—we’ve been through a ton as a family.

This road to “healing” has been an interesting one. I’ve laughed, cried, been fearful, been fearless, loved, hated, kicked, screamed, and all kinds of emotions in between. I even needed a chocolate chip cookie or two every now and then (okay they were vegan and gluten free, but still).

One thing that I have learned throughout this experience is the power of love and no regrets.

My dad’s health has taken another hit this week. He was diagnosed with liver cancer and because of his weak body, there is nothing the doctors can do at this point. With that said— He is in for another long ride. Or a short ride. At this point—we aren’t sure how much time we have.

I have decided that life is too short. We only have the moment in front of us. So I plan on taking time and dedicating precious moments to hang out with my dad, ask him questions about his childhood, ride his golf cart around his property with him, make him kale smoothies, take him thrift store shopping, laugh until milk (almond milk that is) comes out of our noses, and experience life with my dad in a way which I haven’t been able to—literally living as if today is our last day with each other. I want to love and have no regrets. 

I love you dad! Stay strong!

Fun Fact: I’m Shy

One interesting fact about me—-I am actually a pretty shy person. I have an “introverted” personality type and I consider myself somewhat socially awkward.

The response I get when I say this is always the same– “What, Lindsey? You, shy? I don’t believe that. You are a motivational speaker and business owner for goodness sake!”

When you think about it like that, it is rather funny. I speak to audiences of all sizes and in all different parts of the country, sharing personal stories and personal struggles—yet, I’m shy?

But to be honest with you, overcoming my shyness is something that I work on every single day. Personally, it takes a lot out of me to network, put myself out there, and speak to audiences.

However, I constantly push myself—

When I don’t feel like starting a conversation with someone at a networking event, I do it. When I feel shy about sharing a personal story, I push myself to do it. When there is a huge line at the local coffee shop, I push myself to start a conversation with the person behind me, even if it means feeling every bit uncomfortable in the process.

While growing up, being shy was comfortable and being outgoing was extremely uncomfortable. As I have grown the past few years, I realized how much I needed to start being more uncomfortable in situations.  When it comes down to it, being uncomfortable means we are growing and pushing ourselves to places we never thought we would be able to reach before.

So starting today, practice being UNcomfortable! It’s way too easy to stay along the same current. But when you take yourself out of your comfort zone–for a minute, for a day, for a week–it allows you to grow in an area you thought you could “never” grow in before. Try it! You might just be surprised at what you can do. 🙂

 

Practicing a motivational talk in the middle of the park this week—talk about uncomfortable 🙂

 

 

Speaking to about 100 people at a Junk Foods & Junk Moods lecture. Pushing myself yet again!

What are you going to do to get outside of your comfort zone this week??

Part 2 of My Story: The Real, Raw Truth

So one thing I really pride myself on is authenticity and being real with people. I always say that I am an open book—so if you want to know anything then just ask. I am comfortable and confident about sharing my daily, weekly, monthly, and life-long struggles (yes, believe it or not, I still struggle with binge eating, salty food, anxiety, and depression).

Recently, however, one of my new clients called me out and it totally changed my life. She made me realize that I wasn’t being completely real about my own personal story. Part of the reason was because no one ever asked about it, but also because I was afraid to share this intimate part of myself with the world.

I realized that by bottling this deep secret, I could never truly be free, nor could I help anyone else if I let this deep wound continue to internalize subconsciously.

So here goes the cold, raw truth….

“Have you ever been molested?” my client said to me on a bright sunny afternoon.

Shocked, and caught off guard, I could barely get a word off my tongue.

“Wait, what?”  I said. (Meanwhile, I could only think—wait, isn’t this session supposed to be all about YOU? Don’t pull me into this!)

She repeated herself.

In this instant, my life was transformed. I felt my shoulders get a little lighter, my mind become a littler clearer, and my spirit shine a little brighter

“My story” was now transforming into the truth…

The real, raw truth — I was raped at age 17.

No matter how hard I thought I got over this experience and healed myself, the true healing did not come until that instant. I realize that I buried this wound deep inside and never wanted to look at it or talk about it again.

My client, who is a huge inspiration to me, helped me confront the TRUTH and helped me be my real, authentic self. 

I realized I am not doing anyone justice by keeping this “secret” buried deep inside.  Statistically, 1 in 3 women are sexually abused in some way during their lifetime. This happens way more than we think and this is a serious issue. Most people never talk about it, masking it for years on end.

Women of sexual abuse often feel weak, used, and confused. They are left battered in more ways than one—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Why me? Why would someone do this to me? Did I lead this person on? Was it my fault?

Those are the questions I asked myself and I’m sure others have asked the same thing.

Often times, we bury this deep wound so far inside of us. Some of us gain weight, lose weight, start drinking, attract abusive men, or even become complete perfectionists and extremely successful.

You see—this painful burden happens to people of all shapes, sizes, colors, and economic statuses. It’s real, raw, painful, and true…

I wanted to share this vulnerable part of me in hopes that women struggling with this issue know that they are not alone. And that food, drugs, alcohol, sex, and perfectionism do not have to be the answer.

I walked in those shoes and know that it’s not an easy road. I can’t say that you will ever forget what happened to you and that those questions won’t race in your mind anymore. But recognizing you are not alone is the first step…

And with that first step, you can start walking towards your own journey of healing. And remember, you’re not alone. So hold my hand, for as long as you need, and we can walk together. Step by step, we can heal together. It only takes one step…

Take a risk–or two

So I am happy and proud to announce that The Real You officially celebrated its’ first birthday this week. It’s hard to believe that it has already been a year since I made such a drastic change in my life both personally and professionally.

Being a new business owner has been quite exciting for me. I’ve of course had ups and downs (mostly ups-phew!), but nonetheless, I’ve learned a lot about running a business and I am continuing to learn something new everyday.

One of my main support systems through this experience has been my dad. As a business owner himself, he understands the realities of being self-employed. He understands the struggles, appreciates the excitement, and rejoices in my successes.

Despite his current health issues, my dad continues to amaze, encourage, and inspire me everyday to continue to follow my dreams.

I was visiting him over the weekend and he shared some of the most heartfelt and motivating advice I have received in a long time.

I am working on a new, exciting, and business changing initiative (don’t worry, I’ll announce it soon!), and I was weighing the options out to him. I was really excited and ready to move forward, but before making any major decisions, I always go to him for advice. After all, he’s been doing it for 26 years so I like to think he knows what he’s talking about!

After much talk, he said, “You know what, Linds, people are always going to tell you ‘No.’ They are always going to put you down and tell you you can’t do it. They are going to say it’s not the right time to open a business or the economy sucks. But you know what? It’s never going to be the right time. And that’s what makes you a business owner—you take risks even when odds are against you.”

And it’s true. Every single business owner took a risk in something they believed in. We all get told every reason why not to start, but at the end of the day—isn’t it better to try and fail than to have never tried at all?

So despite my dad’s current condition and his inability to work, he was still right there supporting and encouraging me to continue my business ventures, take risks, and follow my dreams. I think this is a lesson we can all learn, not just in business, but in life as well.

So thanks Dad, for making my business birthday that much more special : )

Dad & I at my college graduation (notice the Miller in hand--oh Chuck!)

 

 

Overcoming Depression Naturally

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania—often referred to as the “city of champions.” When most people think of Pittsburgh, they think of the Steelers, the Penguins, cold beer, Primanti’s, and the “yinzer” accent.  However, Pittsburgh has also been climbing the ladder to become one of the most booming cities in America. Pittsburgh was even named America’s most livable city in Forbes Magazine for the past several years.

Aside from all the sports glory and low cost of living—Pittsburgh is dealing with a bigger problem these days. America’s most livable city is also one of the most depressed.

A study from Business Magazine ranked Pittsburgh number 14 in the most miserable cities and 10 in the most depressed. With 203 cloudy days a year, it is no wonder the locals have been on the verge of mental breakdown.

Depression is one of the most common “mental” diseases out there today. However, it is also one of the most over-diagnosed and over-prescribed diseases. Many doctors and psychologists are quick to turn to prescription drugs as a curable mean for depression rather than offering other solutions. If you’re looking for a more natural route to try to ease your depression symptoms, try the following tips:

Start your day off right: Say out loud or make a list of everything you have to be grateful for. Reaffirm all the positive aspects of your life. These daily affirmations are a great way to look at what you already have going for you. They also help you get mentally charged up for the day.

Change your diet: When you put good things into your body, you get good in return. You feel energized and ready for the day to go if you eat a wholesome breakfast. However, if you are running on coffee and donuts, you’re more likely to feel sluggish and upset. Try switching out your “unhealthy” breakfast for a more healthier choice and see how you feel.

Increase your positive thoughts: Having more positive thoughts and a better outlook on life can dramatically increase your mood and energy. Although it can be hard at first, try switching negative outcomes or thoughts to positive ones. Everyone has hard times and obstacles to deal with. Having a more positive approach makes those situations a lot easier.

Take a walk: A 10-minute walk is enough to increase your energy and alter your mood for up to two hours. Next time you are stressed or upset, try taking a walk around the block a few times. Did you notice a shift in your mood?

Put yourself in control: Remember, YOU are the one in control of YOUR life. YOU decide if and when YOU want to be happy or sad. So put yourself in control and make the decision to live a happy life.

Overcoming Insecurities in 3 Simple Steps

Insecurities—we all have them. As happy as I am with myself and as confident as I am in my being, I would be lying to say that subtle doubts or insecurities don’t creep in my mind from time to time.

I can think of many instances where I thought, “I’m not doing enough.” “Am I going to make it?” “I’m not skinny enough, pretty enough, nice enough.” And the list goes on….

After all, we see hundreds of billboards, TV commercials, and magazine advertisements a day to give us a kick in our own ego. “I want that hair.” “I want that body.” “I want to look like that.”  We tend to always be searching for something better than ourselves.

I think this is one of the most common issues among people everywhere. We all have these internal doubts that creep in our minds and cause us to not fully love ourselves. Often times, we seek something else outside of ourselves—whether it’s a romantic relationship, a bag of chips, or a drug. We crave these other sources to give us that feeling of love or security that we are missing from within.

So how can we overcome this? What can we do NOW to wash away the insecurities and doubts in our minds?

First things first! Remember, you are not alone! Everyone has these doubts, insecurities, and thoughts. Even the most secure people still get a hint of doubt every now and then. Just understand that other people are going through the same thing.

Second—Start loving YOU!  Many times we are so “others” focused that we forget to take time to love ourselves. Do you treat yourself the way you treat others? If not, start by making time for yourself, and doing things for you!

Lastly—start shifting your thoughts from the negative to the positive. Sounds easy, but it can be challenging. So start small! When the fears and insecurities creep in—keep telling yourself all the great things you have to offer. Say, “I’m an intelligent,  caring, loving, beautiful, and friendly person. I love me!”

With some practice, you’ll not only “say” and “do” these things, but you’ll believe them!

Filling my open heart

A few months ago, I was sitting on my couch watching TV. Since I was rather bored with the Law and Order SVU re-runs, I unconsciously found myself playing with my ring. I would take it off, twirl it, put it back on, take it off again, and so forth. Sounds exciting, right? Well despite wearing this ring everyday, it seemed to catch my attention differently.

The ring is beautiful. It’s a signature from Tiffany and Co. It’s made of shiny silver and it is shaped like a funky heart. Something that makes the ring rather unique is that it doesn’t fully close—there is an opening in it so it doesn’t fully complete to make a ring band. An ex-boyfriend bought this ring for me, and although him and I remain good friends, it really had no other significant meaning to me beyond that. I just really like the ring.

For some reason, however, I couldn’t take my eyes off the opening in the ring. I then thought back to other jewelry I received from ex-boyfriends and to my complete shock, every single piece was some sort of heart that was not closed in some way, shape, or form.

While most people would belittle that insight, I take those signs and try to dig a little deeper into them. The more I thought about it, the more I was able to see the bigger picture of this “coincidence.” The ring now gave me significant meaning about myself when it comes to relationships.

I realized that in all my past relationships, I never really fully allowed myself to love the other person. And the reason why, was because my heart wasn’t yet complete or whole.  And since it takes two complete people to enter a loving relationship, it’s no wonder I could never share that love with someone else—I had to find my own self-love first. I had to complete my heart.

Now I’m not saying that I am 100% complete right now and that I have my stuff all together. After all, I believe life is a continuous journey of learning and improving ourselves. I do believe, however, that I am at a really good place in my life. Although my schedule can get pretty insane and my weeks are usually jam packed, I’m finally ready and open for love.

I have worked hard at improving who I am this past year and a half. I dug out some scary demons and faced them head on. I said goodbye to my bitchy attitude towards men, I found self love, and I became “the real me.” Needless to say, I finally filled my own heart up.

So now I see my ring representing a new meaning from where I was, to where I am right now. The ring represents my journey to fill my own heart with the self-love and the happiness necessary to truly allow myself to love others. The opening in the heart now represents an open door—open to my complete heart and open to finding complete love. It’s as if the door is saying, “Hey world, Lindsey’s ready to love now…”

And for the first time, I believe it…

Food Isn’t The Only Thing That Feeds Us

When most people think about dieting or losing weight, they automatically think of food. After all, if we want to lose weight, we need to change the way we eat, right?

Well, not necessarily. Other factors of our lives such as relationships, spirituality, and career feed us as well.

Think back to a time when you started a brand new relationship. Things were fresh, fun, and exciting. You could only think about this person and how happy they made you feel. You felt like you were on “cloud nine” and nothing could bring you down.

This type of feeling gave you energy, and friends often told you that you had a certain “glow” about you. You might have found yourself less hungry or you may have even started craving foods like fruits and vegetables. Whether you realized it or not, this feeling was feeding you!

Now think of a time when you ended a relationship. You felt discouraged, hopeless, and depressed. You wanted to curl up on the couch with a pint of ice cream and watch sappy movies on repeat. You might have found yourself binge eating or craving something sweet. And once again, this feeling was also feeding you.

Whether you realized it or not, both happy and sad feelings feed your appetite. Outside circumstances play a huge role in how our body not only feels, but what types of foods we crave and how we digest them.

So next time you want to go on a diet or lose weight, take a look at the other factors that are currently feeding your life and figure out how you can change those first. Maybe cutting back a little at work, mending a broken friendship, or engaging in a spiritual practice is all you need to shed those extra few pounds!

Thank You 2010, Hello 2011!

2010 has been an amazing year for me. I went out on a “soul-searching” journey all year long in hopes to improve my relationships, help others through nutrition, and start building my business and connections. Looking back, it has been quite a remarkable and life changing experience!

When ringing in 2011, I of course made my goals for the year, updated my vision board, and got myself organized (well—somewhat, that’s still a work in progress!). In doing these things, I realized there was one thing missing–my gratitude, appreciation, and thanks to the people in my life that have helped my journey, transformation, and success.

I’d like to take a minute to shower those people with love and thank them for their unconditional support along the way.

My family—we are all learning a new way to love one another. With the recent happenings, I know that we are becoming stronger as a unit and are able to communicate more openly. I love you and appreciate your support and patience with me. Here’s to 2011, our year!

Zach (yes, you get a special shout out)—You constantly teach me something about myself and I appreciate you for that.  We have a crazy bond/connection that seems to get stronger by the day. You always call my bluff and I appreciate your honesty. Thanks for everything!

My old friends—You guys know me on a different level. You have seen me through thick, thin, and in-between. You have seen me go off the deep end, get back on the ship, start over, and change directions in life. Yet, you still love me for me and I thank you for that!

My new friends—You are all definitely in my life for a reason. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky to meet a bunch like you all! We are able to relate on a deeper level than I have experienced before. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

My business friends—Yes, that’s right—I called you “friends.” It has been so amazing surrounding myself with other positive, motivating entrepreneurs and go-getters. Seeing your success, shines through to me. As a new business owner, I appreciate your support.

So to these people in my life (you guys know who you are)—I appreciate you and wanted to let you know! Thanks for making my 2010 an amazing year! I am looking forward to what 2011 brings!